the end of a preschool teacher

I can't imagine a life without tiny arms around my neck, little bodies snuggled into me and hearing amazing truths uttered from tiny lips. I can't imagine living in a world where a mom doesn't appreciate that her child loves me or that that child is learning! And it's showing! I can't imagine going to a job everyday that doesn't use all my most precious gifts. How to teach little ones. How to build them up. How to make them feel safe and loved and like someone is listening.

But my boss told me everyone thinks I'm incompetent. Yes, those exact words. I didn't hear her wrong, as two people have now suggested. Those. Exact. Words.

I've been speculating for days, maybe months, about where that idea came from. Jealousy? Hatred? Pathetic, weak minds? I simply don't know and really have to chalk it up to bad people. Unfortunately these bad people have my boss's ear (even though she thinks they're bad people). See? None of it makes sense.

So I must go. If you give your all--to a job, a relationship, a family--and it's met with "nope, you suck", then ya gotta move on. That situation will never serve you; it will only eat away at you until you're a fucking mess. And I don't have time to be a mess.

I really hope the preschool isn't run into the ground. I really hope my leaving doesnt result in lies that make me look bad. I also can't help but hope they see what they lost. What they drove out. I really just hope for the best. Cuz hope. The school is actually called that.

I also hope I don't make the same mistakes again, but knowing me, I'll bond and I'll trust until the end and just keep getting burned. It's my way.

If you ever lose sight of me and somehow find out I'm a hermit, this is why.